Dummies Are Like Crack Cocaine
Hello my name is motherventing and my daughter has a dummy.
*sharp intake of breath*
OOOOOH I KNOOOOOW! Isn’t it BAD to give a baby a dummy? Because dummies are like CRACK COCAINE and once you give them a dummy they become OBSESSED and wild-eyed and can’t settle without one. They get the jitters if unattached from their dummy for more than, say, twenty minutes. Moo practically screams at me ‘C’mon, mother, give me the GOOD STUFF’ and claws at my knees until I shove a piece of silky-soft rubber into her gaping mouth-hole.
And if I deny her that little comfort she goes all grey-skinned and twitchy. She hallucinates, and starts eating the furniture*. Then it’s me who caves in and lets her back on it again, even though my every instinct is to keep her away from that awful stuff. I mean, what am I supposed to do? She’s ADDICTED, people. SHE’S ADDICTED TO DUMMIES. She likes them more than cake. Yes, YES – you understand me now.
Let me just say straight up here, I’m not a perfect mother. Since I have a few psychology degrees, this irked me somewhat. In my defence, I didn’t start my studies in psychology until my youngest was six months old, and it took me eight years to complete. Still, my insecurities in this imperfection were because of every real mother’s nemesis: the “good” mother.
I’m not going to discuss the Good Mother here; you can read all about her in my previous post where I talk about the historical, cultural and social ideal of the perfect mother. All mothers know her; she’s the bitch who lives in Textbookland who always gets it right; she’s the one who preys on mother guilt, the vulture of our mothering desires.
ten on tuesday
9. Eggs…this time i managed to crush 9 of them in the shopping trollet, not enough so that they went everywhere but enough to know that they were either for the bin or a good egg cook up that evening. My kids are not real fans of eggs on their own. So quick victoria sandwich and batch of brownies…so much for that diet eh?
10. Laslty my not so little son. Turned 9 a few weeks ago. 9! For goodness sake. He told me what high school he would like to go to the other day. Er…no…we will be having none of that nonsense talk, Far too young..far too young…
He was made up to get an email from a friend of his who lives overseas this week and he has been pestering me about going to see him. ‘We could just go for the weekend?’ If only it was actually that simple right?
The twin business (2)
When you await a baby you discover supermarket aisles that you have never noticed before. I’m sure you’ve also been through this. I haven’t got a pet, so I never stop by the pet food aisle. I remember the first time that I entered the baby aisle. I was five or six months pregnant and I started to look at the prices and available range of nappies, milk and baby food, because I felt that I should already know all these things by then. This is what a Master’s degree is badly needed on. I remember leaving the supermarket with a throbbing headache and wondering not only what on earth all those products were used for, but also why nobody had ever told me what they were used for and how to use them.
Dieting For Dummies
The downside of being on the diet is I have gone a bit manic and become a trifle obsessed with food. We recently acquired two guinea pigs and sometimes I do find myself staring at their lettuce leaf enticingly and thinking, “Should I grab that when no one’s looking? It’s only got a couple of bites taken out of it. It’ll be fine.” But then I give myself a good telling off and take my hand out of the cage before any damage is done.
I am an anonymous blogger. Does that matter to you?
The question of anonymity is ever-present among the blogging community, even the parent-blogging posse. There are some who believe that by being open as to their identity, including details of their lives, and that of their families give their blogs more credibility, and as a result, attract more readers. There are some who criticise those who do not reveal their true identity, and say they are being dishonest with their audience, deceptive even. How can you trust what a blogger is saying if you don’t know who they are?